Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
