cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
