i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
