dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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