He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
