i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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