I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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