I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize