I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
