I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
