Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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