I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize