Your tits are I can't wait for
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
