I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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