I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
