I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
