your thong is hanging out like whoa
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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