y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
