Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
