just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
