Jerry, you need to find god
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
