U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
