Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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