I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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