to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
