if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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