You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
