Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
