Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
