Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need to calm my uterus...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
