Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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