I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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