I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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