My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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