I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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