You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
