Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
