he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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