I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Do vagina's smell?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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