I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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