Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this boner is exhausting
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
only you would photoshop your dick
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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