this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
