trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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