I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
