I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
