so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
