Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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