I just cut my nipple shaving
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
