The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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