also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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