Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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