I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
