we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
