I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize