I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
