I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
