Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
