He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
