I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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