My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
