I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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