Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
