I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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