obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
