I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
