Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
