Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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