Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
