it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
