based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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