dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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