Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
