I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
