I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
