4 words: hood of his car
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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