Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They took my balls.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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