i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
