Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
