awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
