So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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