being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
