watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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