You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
