the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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