I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
