I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
