Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
