he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
