What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
