My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
