remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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