That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
