my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
