I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
