Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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