i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
