i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
