He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
