I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
