Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
