i can't believe i had my finger in that
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it glows. i had to have it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
