Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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