Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
