god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
