Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
